


A Different Manner of Rations

by BoPeepWithNoSheep



Series: Of Cavernous Minds and Hollow Bodies [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adoribull if you squint, Dorian has an ED, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Eating Disorders, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoPeepWithNoSheep/pseuds/BoPeepWithNoSheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The silk, the trim, even the carefully styled hair--It's all deflection in the worst possible way.</p><p>Dragon Age Kink Meme Fill</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Different Manner of Rations

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt
> 
>  
> 
> _If any culture has a set of strict and demanding set of beauty standards its Tevinter. Maybe Dorian developed it young when his mother restricted his diet and he felt guilty for sneaking sweets; maybe when he hit a growth spurt and his clothes didn't fit right; maybe it started with the Inquisition with access to a wide variety of new and foreign goods that give him a few pounds or other effects even though he's eating the same amount; maybe it started as a means of punishing himself for failing._
> 
>  
> 
> _It's could be canon, canon divergence, pre-canon, Modern AU etc, but somehow Dorian develops an eating disorder. I'm partial to hurt/comfort fic where someone starts getting better and Dorian/Iron Bull, but this could be a fully friendship focused piece, any other pairing, or angsty as fuck one-shot._

The silk, the trim, even the carefully styled hair--It's all deflection in the worst possible way. He knows he's still disgusting, that putting jewels on something so hollow within can only distract for so long. That's why he throws in the flamboyance for good measure, fake it until you make it, practically an old Tevene proverb with which he wraps himself in like a protective armor.

He hopes it will make it better when his stomach roils at the too thick stew he's given. He makes a dramatic comment about the fare and flavor before handing it off to Blackwall who simply shrugs and accepts it. He would _kill_ for fruits and vegetables, well and truly, something like grapes or lettuce that he could eat without so much clawing guilt. He could justify those to himself, it was like eating water--but _stew_  thick with herbs and meat? _That_  is too much for him. He knows if he doesn't control himself he would consume like a ravenous beast. 

He hates himself, Dorian considers lightly as he stares directly into the flickering flames of the fire pit before him. Not for his feelings, that he thinks he is mostly above now, but instead for the cloying beast in his gut that wants him to be so detestable that no one could ever possibly love him. So he fights it, he rations himself carefully. So that the others don't realize that the only times he eats is in front of them.

It's careful and strategic. It's something he has done for many years since all the way back when it was only mother he'd had to hide it from. Father had always seen him as a golden boy until he _didn't_. When that had happened his son's eating habits had been the least of Halward's concerns compared to Dorian's other predilections.

Dorian's mind drifts and the scraping, twisting pain in his stomach doesn't ease but he's so used to it now. It's a constant companion and were he to be honest with himself, he isn't sure he would still be himself without it. Thankfully, there are no ugly gurgles to betray his body as weaker than his mind so he remains with the others, half listening to the tale Varric is spinning on the other side of the fire.

When, suddenly, there is a heavy weight on the bench beside him Dorian's eyes snap up only to see nothing but grey and he tenses. The vint nods towards The Iron Bull, not quite trusting his voice at the moment as he curses himself for not being vigilant enough. He think that Bull is catching on, well the Inquisitor might be too but that's a slower thing. The qunari on the other hand watches him carefully with an unnervingly knowing glint in his eye whenever Dorian deflects or dodges.

Already, Dorian begins closing up, withdrawing into the part of his mind where he can sit back and let snappy comments fly and false confidence flood his features. He straightens himself and prepares to speak before Bull holds something out to him. Dorian's thoughts stutter to a halt as he stares down at the small, red object held in Bull's large grey hand. When he speaks it is low and gravely and full of kindness. There is none of the lewdness of their normal banter, just a small frown marring Bull's normally cheerful features

"Thought you might need this."

Dorian's breath catches in his throat, he thinks he mumbles out a thank you as he watches the apple almost reverently. It isn't perfect, clearly a fruit that has seen better days but it will abate the awful _thing_ within him without making him feel like he needs to vomit until he's hollow again.

The Iron Bull takes out a knife and cuts a slice, handing it to Dorian and all at once he has to remember to control himself as he eats it. He means to let out a playful comment about missing the more tropical provisions of his homeland but instead another thank you slips out and Dorian has to rein back before he gives away too much and ruins the moment. So he sits back and enjoys listening to the remainder of Varric's story as he carefully counts his bites and insists on The Bull getting a few slices as well.

And, for a moment, perhaps he forgets to hate himself quite so much.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fill to the kink meme and I probably wouldn't have ever answered one if not for this particular prompt. As a ED survivor myself it just kind of occurred to me that really, with Dorian's behavior, it's probably not too far of a stretch to make that he could have one and my mind just rolled with it.


End file.
